Truths for a Monday
At least one day a week, I’m fighting back tears. Usually it’s Monday.
Caffeine, for the moment, takes the edge off of the exhaustion. I’m behind on laundry, and life in general. The kids’ schedules don’t mesh. I’m trying to make lunch and referee fights and keep the baby from eating the debris left in the wake of my two-year-old. I’m feeling really overwhelmed.
I send my husband a flurry of text messages, requesting prayer and reassurance. I’m struggling today. Is it ok that life is a mess right now? Am I doing enough? Will we get through?
I feel weak and inadequate, and I’m tempted to despair.
At the root of this desperation lies a failure to believe who God says he is and what he says he's doing in me. Because even though I know what Scripture says is true, sometimes it doesn't feel true.
Though he says “I will never leave you or forsake you”, I feel alone.
Though he says “He restores my soul”, I am weary.
Though he says “My power is made perfect in weakness”, I am barely standing.
Though he says he is working all things together for my good, I don't see his purpose in this difficulty.
Pastor Joe Thorn has said that doubt begins when our circumstances don’t seem to line up with our theology. Thankfully, though, God’s word doesn’t shift with our emotions. Instead, it anchors us when our faith is buffeted by seasons of discouragement, exhaustion, trial, and sorrow. We have only to take hold of it.
It’s hard to do.
To believe what God’s word proclaims, we have to fight. We meditate. We pray, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.” We learn to abide.
The Psalms provide many examples of God's children doing just this: reminding themselves repeatedly who He is and what He’s like. Calling out to Him. Even in struggle and suffering, the Psalmists proclaim that He’s with us, that He cares for us and restores us when we’re weary, that His love for us is as high as the heavens are above the earth.
And as we struggle to see, as God’s word ministers to us, as we find our faith returning, we find joy.