All tagged marriage

How To Have A Confrontational Conversation

I don’t love confrontational conversations. When I have one coming down the chute it occupies a huge sum of mind-share. I worry about it going poorly. I worry about being misunderstood. I worry about my heart being unclear. I worry about hurting the person.  

In short, I’m not a fan of conflict. I actually don’t know any sane person who is. Regardless of my discomfort, conflict remains a part of relationship in a fallen world. If you’re going to relate with someone, a time will come when you have to confront them about something. It may be something they said or did that hurt you. It may be a blind spot in their lives that is a problem. The context will change, but the inevitability of conflict will not. 

Confronting someone is not easy and should not be taken lightly. It can easily go south if not taken seriously and prepared for properly. One redeeming factor in my discomfort with confrontation is that I’ve developed a process for confrontation that I've found helpful. If you have one of these uncomfortable but important conversations in your future, here’s how I have a confrontational conversation:

We live in a culture largely void of honor. In short, honor is dead, both in our culture and in our churches.  We use our freedom of speech to dishonor public officials, people in positions of authority, and anyone else we choose without giving it a second thought.

While this should not surprise us culturally, the commonplace nature of dishonor amongst Christians is, frankly, shocking.


Tami and I have been together for over 10 years now and we've been married for almost seven of those years. Outside my salvation, she is the greatest gift God has given me and by His grace I can say that I love and enjoy her more now than I ever have before. Over these last ten years I've learned many things. One thing in particular never ceases to amaze me, namely that I don't always understand her. She thinks differently than I do, she responds differently than I do, and she feels differently than I do about many things. This is both a blessing and a challenge.

Some husbands are heretics. In Ephesians 5:25-33 Paul instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This means Christ is the ultimate example of how I should love my wife - He sacrificed everything, including His comfort, convenience, and preference for His bride, the Church. Paul is clear that as a husband I am to reflect this same type of love in my relationship with my wife and that in so doing I’m saying something to her, to our church, and to our culture about Jesus.

So the question I’m asking myself this morning is,